I’ll Do You One Better: Stories From the Road
There aren’t many careers that offer up as many interesting stories as over the road hauling. Truck drivers have some of the most fascinating stories, and happily for us, they’ve been recorded.
You’re probably familiar with reddit, but in case you aren’t, there are some fantastic trucking story threads that have hundreds of stories combined.
For your amusement (and ours), we collected some of the funniest, craziest, and weirdest stories upvoted on the internet.
Sometimes the characters you come across at truck stops you just can’t make up!
At a truck stop, middle of the night. Guy next to me starts talking to me. He’s 50ish, short, friendly, got a bushy mustache. After a moment or two I notice that his mustache is actually his nose hairs which are inches long and obviously combed into the desired mustache shape. I was both fascinated and repelled at the same time.
Other times, the chatter over the CB can be absolutely delicious:
My Dad is a truck driver and he likes to tell a story about a Keebler cookie driver who was getting teased on the CB once: he said that the other drivers kept asking him questions, like “Do elves really make the cookies?” And “Are you an elf?” And “How tall are you, anyway?” Dad says this truck driver let the good natured ribbing go on for a while, and then he said, in a deep voice, “Listen, I only drive this truck for the paycheck. I don’t ask any questions. I just back the truck up to the tree, and they fill it.”
A good rule of the road is not to look directly into lights:
My trucking days were s***, but I got some good stories from them. Going south on I-75 in Georgia at around three a.m., I see this bright light maybe about two miles behind me. Not only is it super-bright, but it is on the interstate and it is HAULING A**. It’s big too, and it’s moving faster than anything I think I’d ever seen. Now, earlier that day I had called the guy who taught me how to drive, and he is really, really superstitious about life on the road. He would tell me stories about how a green apparition chased him in Florida when he was pulling too many miles, all kinds of stuff. I was already spooked from that conversation earlier, so looking into my mirror and seeing this giant light FLYING towards me made my a**h*** clench onto the seat. This thing closes the distance between us and FLIES past me, probably doing around 120. I had the window down and as it went past me, I felt this massive amount of HEAT. When it passed me, I could finally tell what it was!
It was a hay hauler, a truck that hauls a trailer designed for hay, and the ENTIRE LOAD OF HAY IN THE BACK WAS ABLAZE.
I jumped in the CB and screamed “DRIVER, YOUR TRAILER IS ON FIRE!!!” The driver comes back in a surprisingly calm voice with, “I know, I’m just letting it burn off. I figure if I go fast enough, I can keep my cab from getting burned.”
Finally, the modifications some owner/operators make to their big rigs make for great stories:
My uncle was a long haul trucker back in the 90s (mainly did international runs from Canada down into the US and back to Canada) with a pretty nice new Kenworth that had one of those maximum size sleepers on it. It had a built in toilet and the works. He decided that the small tank that came with the toilet was a pain in the a** to have to empty so frequently so he converted half of his passenger side diesel tank into a septic tank.
A few weeks after converting his tank he happened to pull in at a truck stop somewhere in the States and parked for the night after driving longer then he should have. When he woke up at 5AM with the dawn just starting to get bright he climbed out to see beside his truck something that makes him laugh every time he tells the story.
On the ground on the right side of his truck was a 5 gallon jerry can, a siphon hose with one end in his tank and the other laying on the ground; puddle of puke and some puke foot prints; another few feet away, puddle of puke; another few feet away another puddle of puke.
Some dumb SOB tried to siphon his septic tank in the middle of the night.
These are some of the best ones. For more anecdotes about trucking and everything else, check out Reddit.
Share them in the comments!